This is two hours late and as such, I’m sure I’ll be punished accordingly.
The demon was unhelpful. “That’s for sure not my problem,” it said, for at least the third time. The growth on it’s back was humming softly. “Also, that dress is not super flattering. You should maybe shop with someone who can be honest with you.”
“I summoned you here,” Rina growled. “So you have to do what I say, right?”
“Yeah, no. I showed up, what else do you really expect from me? Okay, I do know this great stylist, he can fix you up in no time.”
“Like you know anything about style,” Rina scoffed. “That’s not the point! Okay. The point. Is that I need you to get me into the courthouse without tripping the alarms. Okay? Jeez.”
“In those clothes? Honey. Please. You wouldn’t have to trip any alarms for anyone to notice you from ten miles away.” It gestured vaguely with a few tentacles that Rina was sure hadn’t been there before.
“Oh my god, why? No, don’t answer that.”
“Look, I am so completely for freedom of expression. A woman can wear whatever she wants, and your cleavage is your business. But you could get into the courthouse yourself if you just put on a pantsuit and walked in. Look confident, and no one will question you, that’s what I always say.”
“They would recognize me, that’s why I need you! I’ll give you whatever you want, okay. My voice? My soul? My eternal slavery?”
“Honey. Dye your hair. Maybe cut it. Find some makeup, it can really do wonders. Stop watching so many Disney movies. You do not need to sell your soul for a little B and E, you get me?”
“I really need to get in there, just obey me, dammit!” Maybe she had done the summoning wrong. No, that couldn’t be it.
“Yelling won’t help, calm down, honestly. This is not that hard.”
“I can’t believe I just summoned the one demon that refuses to break the law.”
“Oh, no, I’m totally fine breaking the law. The law is a little fuzzy for me anyhow, I mean, is it still legal to stone people? That always seemed weird to me. No. But do you know how many souls I already have? My place is seriously crowded, and souls get loud after a few thousand years. Sometimes, you have to choose between a bottle of 1863 wine, and a new soul, and this time, I’m choosing the wine.”
Rina banged her head against the wall a few times.
“Okay. Relax. Here’s the deal. You let me go back to the little house party I was having in Hades, or Valhalla, or whatever you call the afterlife these days. And I’ll leave you two thousand dollars and the name of that stylist, I really do love him.”
“Why can’t you just get me inside?”
“Translocation is a lot of effort. It makes time act weird and I really don’t want to be late for that party. Also, it costs a lot and there’s honestly nothing you can offer me that sounds appealing right now. Awesome, we totally have a deal. God, summonings are such a nuisance. There’s no need for you to be so dramatic about everything that’s happening in your life, really.”
It was no use. Rina sighed and scuffed at one of the marks with her foot. The demon immediately disappeared with a puff of smoke. On the floor in the middle of the pentagram was a business card and a neatly wrapped stack of twenty dollar bills. Rina wondered if her hair would look good in black.
I Definitely Have Life Plans 